It will go down in history as the best birthday of my 20s.
No really, did you know Debbie Harry can’t dance? Have you seen the “Rapture” video before? When she’s discoing she’s disaffected, the kind of girl who just leans one way and another, and when she’s rapping she’s just hopping along like a little dweeb without a precedent for women rapping in disco songs.
Blondie’s not much of a video band, but this is certainly the one to watch. Craig is sitting in the corner, at 2:29, on stilts. The gang’s all here, Chris Stein all setting the precedent for Punk Hunx of the 1980s, Clem Burke in the ruffled tux who did that whole thing way before you, the taggers, Fab 5 Freddy, the Factory kids, the cast of TV Party, and it doesn’t matter that Debbie has no rhythm and just kinda squats and points her hips at things because she can still dance better than you, even though she can’t dance. This is the party you wish you were at. I’ll never let my hair get this long, but those shorts are marvellous. High-waisted shorts and heels are still in.
Do you remember this party? I was at this party, and I wore a garbage bag too, and ripped up tights, just like Debbie. My hair wasn’t blonde then (it was black and pink), but I wore a garbage bag dress because it was a “make your own outfit” party. Lots of people were wearing tinfoil, as you can see from this video documentary of that party. The party was in a loft off the Montrose L stop, back when that was pushing the edge of Williamsburg, in 2003 or so. At that party I danced with a whole bunch of crazy kids and then made out with a guy who told me his name was Thomas Edison. People were shouting out “more Cure more Cure” because they were too cool to notice that Blondie was playing. But I was at this party, and so were you, because it’s the same party that has been happening in New York since 1975. Remember— I made out with another guy on the subway ride home. He worked at the Magnolia Bakery. I told you it was the coolest party I’ve ever been to.
This is in the “favorite song of all time” list.
Today’s theme is: Did you know Debbie Harry can’t dance? Or at least she couldn’t, at the height of Blondie’s popularity. It’s pretty crazy: she was over 30 but had a voice like a horny teenager, and yeah she was gorgeous, but she never really made eye contact with anyone. You always get the feeling that she’s off in the next world, making secret plans, anxious to get back to her bedroom so she can listen to more records and dance without you around.
In just under two months my hair will be exactly the length of Debbie Harry’s in the “Heart of Glass” video. This isn’t entirely unintentional, but I don’t know how do wear makeup as well as Ms. Harry, so it’s not like I’m walking around pretending to be Debbie Harry. It’s nothing like that. She still has that dark patch in the back of her head, and I have wicked roots. And man, she wears lipgloss better than anyone, ever. I should learn how to do that.
